Friday, July 7, 2006

rough moment

I just received the invitation to the wedding for her. What a beautiful bride she will be. The pic on the invitation with her fiancé is amazing. He looks like an ok guy I guess. Mel sure has grown up a lot since I met her in 2001. She was merely 17 at the time. Hey, true gift-love wants the other to be happy regardless of reciprocation as opposed to need-love which loves only because something is needed in return. I was ready to give her the universe. Now, am I ready to sit quietly and watch another take my place? Not really. So be it though. It never was my place to begin with. The funny thing is.. she hasn't a clue of what still lingers in my heart. It feels lonely I must admit. One can only be purely logical to a point and then the heart trumps the mind. Perhaps my heart and my head will be in one accord someday as I become captivated by the overwhelming flood of warm feelings coupled with affirming logic.

What a pic this is. You should see it. Her head gently rests on his shoulder with a subtle but perfect grin. Her eyes silently shout the words I always longed to hear. Her bridegroom will capture her fully into his adventure in just a month's time. A single event that finally closes a huge chapter for me conversely opens a whole new volume for her. No more road trips for us. No more midnight walks. No more nights on the beach. No more train rides through the Yorkshire meadows. No more praying together. No more wondering. No more hoping. That's that.

Ah well. That's life, right? Bigger and better adventures surely await. I'm thankful for the capacity to love and I have learned through this ordeal that true happiness is found in loving others, regardless of what the consequences are. So.. go today and love. Love your parents. Love your woman (if you have one). Love your God. Love your steak dinner. Love the sunshine. Love the crappy rainy days. Pour your heart out and love everyone around you. You'll get hurt. So what? Love even harder. I truly believe it's the only way to live life to the fullest.

Monday, July 3, 2006

A disruption of my slumber

Yesterday, my big dumb friend thought it would be funny to test my smoke alarm. It worked just fine. It wasn't even that funny - just loud.

So, I'm sleeping all cozy like and the thing starts chirping like it's out batteries. I think I can just sleep through it but not so. Try sleeping through a smoke alarm chirping every 20 seconds and see how far you get.

I climb up on my couch and yank the thing off my wall. Surprise, Surprise. It doesn't take a battery like every other normal smoke detector in the world but is connected to all the others in the building with wires. I disassemble the whole face and pull out the wires. Just as I lay down, it STILL chirps every 20 seconds. After 10 minutes of wondering how it is chirping on my desk without a battery or power source, I decide to just leave it in the hallway near the elevator. Wow, I can still hear it all the way in my apartment. What choice have I? I decide against destroying it because the back says something about radioactive materials.

4:30am and I get dressed, walk 2 blocks to my parking deck, up a flight of stairs, and put the smoke detector in my truck. (Now that I think about it, I hope it doesnt leak any of that radioactive material on my floorboard.) The local crackheads were pissy for me waking them up but still mustered enough energy to ask for money.

Not happy.