Sunday, May 28, 2006

One fat man

Eglon was the king of the Moabites many years ago. I read about him today and the story is quite intriguing..

Eglon was a fat man. I mean really fat. One historical account says King Eglon's waist was well over 400 inches. I don't know if that's possible but this guy was fat either way. That's hippo-like.

God raised up a guy called Ehud to kill the king and free Israel from the oppression of the Moabites. Well, for awhile anyways.

So Ehud gets a sword and hides it under his clothes. He goes to the fat king and tells him that he has a secret to share. The king sends everyone out to hear this secret. Ehud leans over and thrusts the sword into the king's fat belly. The sword goes in all the way past the handle itself and the fat closes back around it. The sword was about 18" long by the way. Then, the king's entrails come out. SWEEET.

Ehud takes off and locks the door behind him. The king's servants that are waiting outside the door figure that it's locked because the king is sitting on the porcelain throne. After awhile, they unlock the door and come in to find King Eglon dead on the floor. Israel then has peace for 80 years. You can check out the story in Judges 3 if you want..

What the crap does this have to do with you?? Just that: crap.

See, when the sword went in, the crap came out. Literally, the sword went in and the king's entrails came gushing out. The Bible is often referred to as "the sword of the Spirit". (Heb 4:12, Eph 6:17)

Life squeezes me and sometimes I can be a real stinker. I realize that I have a ton of crap that I need to get rid of. How can I dump this baggage out of my life and flush it away?! The Word, man. It is like a sword that pierces into my very soul. Then, all the crap gushes out and I get cleaned out, straightened up.

Think if you only took a crap once a week. That would not be very fun. Your stomach would hurt and you would probably have a really weird look on your face all the time. That's exactly why you and I must be in the Word everyday. We continually get dirtied up by the world and need to be cleansed by God's Word. The truth of his Word comes in and the junk is flushed out.

Do you ever come out of the bathroom and say to yourself, "Gee, I feel 10 pounds lighter... ahhhh." The same works with this. Take in some Bible and let the Lord dump out your crappy day, your stinky issues, your smelly problems. You'll feel better and people will have a much easier time being around you.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Beeeep Beeeeep Beeeep

Dearest MySpace Hooligans....

Since I'm so caring and wonderful (and humble, too!) I figure I should share what is making my Friday afternoon so delightful..

As I sit in my otherwise dreary cubicle, huge open windows expose the sea of assorted vehicles three stories below. Recently, I discovered that my Honda keyless entry system miraculously responds to my remote from all the way in the office. Today, I watched like a hawk and ran outside as soon as the front parking space came available.

What a thrill! I have it perfectly timed. Perhaps a boy, or a girl, or a grandma, or an accountant, or even a janitor will come strolling through the parking lot and get ready to cross down the stairs and into the main entrance. Unbeknownst to him or her, their foot steps down right next to my car as little faces peer down from above with childish grins of expectancy. BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP. They freak out, man. HAHAHA. All of us in my department that have window seats crack up laughing. I only let about three beeps go on and then quickly silence it. This one lady almost dropped this platter of something she was carrying..

Oh my, what a grand existence I have today. Wish you all were here.